Tag Archives: trust

Being Vulnerable

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    Lupine

Dew Drops

Blue Beauty

Penstamen

Sammy Dog

Above pics were taken last spring.  In the middle of a world wide Pandemic because of  Covid 19 (corona virus) it’s good to remember the goodness of the Lord and also to be grateful for our many blessings!

 

How does one get to a place or time in their life that whenever one slows down, whether it be in a moment of quiet time in their favorite chair, or on a bus ride to work, or sitting in a tiny mountain village church, that upon seeking God’s voice, asking for His touch or a whisper in the ear, that all that person senses is Him telling them that His love is faithful, strong, that even though it may be undeserved it is unwavering, unending and unmeasurable.

That’s where I am in my life right now and have been for several months.  It is intense and feels a little desperate, I wonder why that is all God seems to want me to know from Him – like I just can’t seem to get it or to make it stick. I know in my heart it is a good place for me to be.  It is where I am suppose to be right now and I will remain here until I am moved on.

It is a bit of a lonely place and not just a little scary and I find myself wondering if I will ever be moved on to a different place.   It has been a reflective time, being reminded of my part in putting myself in this place and how much of it has been out of my control.  Mostly, I want this time to serve it’s purpose, that the growth and maturity that should be a part of it goes deep, that my heart would be healed to be able to be the person God would have me be. Such times as these, I feel, can make or break a person and I want to do, to chose, what it takes to make it all worthwhile.  Giving up is not an option, nor is bulldozing my path through.  It is not a time of questioning why or how, even though that is just what I am doing. It seems that it is a matter of taking one step at a time, one    step    at    a    time.   (And me – a person who often has only one speed – head down and full bore ahead.)

Recently, I was reading a post by Lesley Leyland Fields.  She was talking about writing your story and how important it is to share the good, the bad, the hard, the intimate…  she shared about her dad’s room as she was sitting with him as he was dieing and I remembered doing that very thing a little over a year ago.  For me it was not so much that I remember the surroundings, it was more the feeling of peace, quiet trust that God was in control, sadness that dad’s time was coming to an end, hope for his eternal life and hard prayers that his struggle would be swift and as painless as possible.  Being with family and sharing our faith in the goodness of our Heavenly Father is a memory that is etched deep in my heart.  It was a time of unity and being drawn closer to one another.

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I wrote the above post a few months ago but did not get it posted. It is still very much what is going on in my heart. And now that we are in the midst of a pandemic the realization that God’s love is with us in a time that, at best, is a confusing and worrisome struggle, at worst, a time of great loss, turmoil and terrifying fear.

Anne Voskamp writes: This is the time for prayer warriors that don’t think that prayer is the least thing we can do but the most we can do…

Yes and amen!

Words from Isaiah 40

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vs 12  Who else has held the oceans in His hands?  Who measured off the heavens with His fingers?  Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?…

vs 28 and 29  Hear This!  Understand This!  The Lord God is EVERLASTING, He created the whole earth!  He never grows weak or weary and no one can measure the depths of His understanding! …

vs 31 Those who TRUST in the Lord will find strength, they will soar high on wings like an eagle.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.

SO… when the times come, times we all have, when I feel that God does not care, or understand, that He just doesn’t want to give me what I think I deserve, and such thoughts as these only makes me weary, and faint and ashamed of myself because of my lack of trust… THEN I just need to go back to vs 12, 28,29 and several verses in between and I am reminded that it is not about me or my circumstances.  My only hope is to take my eyes off myself and my struggles and try to grasp the truth of God’s immeasurable wisdom and love for me, for us, and it is there that I begin to move back into the position of trust.

The Homestead at Winter's Gloaming

The Homestead at Winter’s Gloaming

 

Things are starting to emerge out of the snow!

Things are starting to emerge out of the snow!

Winter Beauty

Winter Beauty

Sunny Clouds

Sunny Clouds

May you begin or continue to grasp the greatness of God so that you can also begin or continue to walk in trust!  We are all at our own spot in the road!

Kimmy

 

Jesus Wept

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Jesus wept! John 11:35

Now, I know many of us would like to make that our “life verse” just because it is the shortest verse in the Bible.  But think about it!  I don’t  want to make Jesus cry!
Right before that verse it says he was angry and deeply troubled because Martha and the people with her were weeping over the death of Lazarus!  Right after the “He wept” verse, it says Jesus was still angry when He arrived at the tomb and then he called Lazarus to come forth out of the tomb!
I’ve always thought He cried out of sadness over the death of a friend but Instead he cried out of a place of anger! I think He was angry because of their unbelief!…  Conviction falls heavy! Not out of guilt but out of sadness knowing He has probably “wept” a few tears of anger over my struggle with unbelief!  Reading in Streams in the Desert for today I read the following:

“Who can estimate how much we owe to suffering and pain?  But for them we should have little scope for many of the chief virtues of the Christian life.  Where were faith, without trial to test it; or patience, with nothing to bear; or experience, without tribulation to develop it?”

Hubster and I were talking after dinner about the verse in Psalms 23 about goodness and mercy following us our whole life.  Trials are really blessings in disguise for with them comes goodness and mercy and a chance to grow our faith in God!  Maybe then Jesus will weep  tears of joy in the proof of our trust in Him!

The other day, it was cold and rainy so I started doing some housecleaning.  I am trying to clear out my sun room a little bit.  (Those of you who know my sun room, please don’t faint!)  Coming across this milk glass vase I decided to just save the lavender buds and throw away the stalks.  This picture will always make me think of the smell of lavender that filled my kitchen!  What a healing, joyful scent!

Lavender Buds